Get A Squishy Grip

How can you try to preserve these stupid trees when loggers really need those temp jobs?

Where’s the sense in expensive conservation when things cost so much already?

Forget the animals, get a tree-hugging grip and start taking care of our dear families

What’s a few degrees warmer and, anyway, what’s a polar bear ever done for me?

Get out of the way Spongy Bob, there’s manlier issues than this candy-assed sustainability

How dare you tell the urban poor they should not slash-burn and then farm their rain forest?

On what moral authority do you decide who can have how many blessed children?

Why should our nice lawns dry up just to preserve some inedible little desert fish?

We’re not giving up our comfort or our safety to drive some teeny-weeny shoeboxes

We’ll stay with the cheaper imports even if they break before they ever work

It’s not our problem if them squints like working 14 hour days and sleepin 20 to a room

No environmental wacko is going to force their lame agenda on our traditional family lifestyle

Why should we pay more for electricity just to give a coupla salmon a chance to breed?

Don’t talk to me about some web of life until all god’s children have enough to eat

We just import their stuff, it’s their own decision to abort their female children

You can’t tax that acid rain with good people already paying too much for their A/C

These draft rules are unfounded speculation that will cost us all jobs and money

There’s not a word in our sacred constitution about this fool habitat preservation

Buck ain’t giving up his SUV until Fakkim stops burning coal to cook his gruel

Look, this climate change hysteria could threaten the economy and our families

Now, I’m not sure about evolution but our God surely did say only the fittest will survive

We vetoed child health care but we must pass this arms spending bill with no strings attached

How dare you to say local control means outside developers get everything they want?

Don’t try to mess with our god-given right to thrilling petroleum-based wreckreation

Of course we must channelize that river to protect surrounding homes and towns

If you don’t like our mining, why you’re just welcome to go off and freeze in the dark

God said to be a good steward so I make sure and have only the best chemicals applied to my lawn

The welfare of our people simply must come before this environmental nonsense

Yes, the convenience of fast food packaging makes it indispensable to our consumer lifestyle

It’s just simple common sense that recycling is for the boy scouts until you get paid to do it

Cleaning up diesel fuel will only make imported consumer goods more expensive to deliver

Removing mercury from power plant emissions will hurt small business owners

Spreading scientific doubt on climate change bought us time against the crackpots

Jesus, research studies have shown small cars to be dangerous, especially to kids

By all means, we must permit mountaintop removal to keep our coal inexpensive

Of course, endless pointless environmental reviews impede our economic progress

So, get your squishy grip off of the freedom loving lifestyle we intend to keep on enjoying, forever