Never Even Dreamed We Were So Clueless

How was I to foresee they would suddenly outsource my position to 4 third-worlders?

We could not have known that there was not enough water for us all, out here in Las Vegas

Never knew how fragile that Big Oil teat we all loved so dearly really was

Had no idea our homes would not be free ATMs for all the rest of everybody’s lives

Were so surprised that our financial industry created the credit mess that ruined us

Shocked that our special kids would not lead the world, much less find decent jobs

Could not imagine ourselves as profitable examples of energy usage and innovation

Did not realize the wasteful habits that I thought saved me time did not pay off at all, in the end

Ignored those irrelevant foreigners moving in other directions, leaving us far behind

Never even dreamed that retirement would become such a quaint and bygone concept

Consternated to find it so expensive to leave the big screen plugged in 24 hours every day

Surprised to be deciding between the mortgage, groceries, heating and health care

Could not possibly have grasped our utter dependence on Chinese goods for our very lives

Did not expect to see poor families living in giant SUVs that would never run again

Was stunned when a leader finally said we might need to do more while using less

Flabbergasted as the roads became impassible, dams broke and bridges were declared unsafe

How could I have foreseen myself unemployable, uninsured and without any savings at 50?

Why would I have ever worried about what they called this junk science of climate change?

Never even thought a negative savings rate might not be proper for His chosen people

Did not conceive that I’d ever see kids picking through dumps for what I had thrown away

Not even wackos mentioned we should treat domestic animals with the golden rule

Shocked to find there were no more jobs that I could not even afford to commute to

Certainly never thought My family had a hand in some vast, mass extinction of the seas

How were we supposed to know that such cheerful lawn products poisoned our drinking water?

Mighty surprised to learn how much oil all those disposable plastic bags had cost us

Could never have foreseen that my lifestyle would have caused me all these diseases

Did not think once that the boys really should have learned to read and to do the math

Why should I have worried about overpopulation when God had told us to just go on forth?

Never even dreamed I wouldn’t be laughing at them treehuggerss driving teeny cars

Got caught flatfooted when I couldn’t get another home equity loan to go on vacation again

I had never even considered I could not afford to dine out for lunch, 3 times a week

Always took it for granted that defense and healthcare would cost a lot more every year

Surely, I could not have predicted we would run out of credit and petroleum both at once

Never could have dreamed consumer spending would stop being the cure-all for all our economic ills

Didn’t cross my mind how much they planned to charge me for a simple death with dignity

How would I have known I was just hearing voices when I thought I was talking to my savior?

Lust For Life, American Style

They said to stop and smell the roses so we cut em all and then forgot them when we left

Knowing how short life is, I ran up my credit, declared bankruptcy and then walked away

I need to carpe every diem so joyously I graze myself further into obesity at every meal

As I realize that any day might be my last, I guzzle a couple extra beers every night

In an effort to meet my potential, I let my wastes fall wherever I produce them

To save a bit of precious time I toss aside the packaging as I quickly drive away

Wishing not to waste a single vital minute, she viciously cell-gossiped as she drove to work

Grabbing life by the horns, we took another vacation with our 2^nd home equity loan

I have set myself a goal of maintaining my instant gratification, over the long run

Determined not to be ensnared like ordinary people, we financed new ATVs and jet-skis

In my luxury performance sedan I truly feel in step with the grand march of life here on earth

Pondering my place in our wondrous panoply, I find the remote control once again

Striving to center, she purchased fine cosmetics, costly surgery and an unreal hair color

I financed a lifetime of stirring satisfaction identifying with my corporate home teams

Seeing that we might as well be comfortable, I bought another family land barge

In my moments of panic and confusion, jesus is there beside me, his hand upon my shoulder

Believing the thrifty died rich and the old died emptily, we resolved to spend it now

Why, with heaven assured for us, we can afford to let tomorrow take care of itself

Knowing I might not always be there for them, I grant my children’s every wish, immediately

Since you’re really never sure how long you’ve got, we’ll go ahead and get supersized once again

I seek a deeper, longer-lasting meaning as I drive blindly past the homeless every day

Knowing that you only go around one time, I grab passing pleasures by the armful

I pursue an unspoken long-term goal of simply enjoying each and every minute as it comes

Hearing of other’s suffering, we determined to grasp as much as we can just as fast as we can

In the light of world problems far beyond our control, we’ll just kick it back and relax

We took lessons from other’s early misfortunes and keep our savings to a minimum

Given the shortness of life, it seems right to get away from work as often as I can

I could never stand to be 40, so what’s the damn point learning this useless crap, anyhow?

We wanted it all, so we got a huge house, big-screen TV, ski boat and a giant RV

I always just had to smile when the Doc told me to start exercising and lose some weight

We’re going for the gusto and reaching out now for maximum enjoyment, in our great lust for life

We dine out finely in our new clothes and we usually make that minimum monthly CC payment

The world is going to shit so we might as well have a good time for just as long as we can

With those 2^nd mortgages, the house was way underwater so we rightly just walked away from it

I need to go for it while I can still enjoy it, not later on when I’m doddering and sick

Right now, my answer to the big questions is to just follow my desires, artificial or not

Gas-Powered Wreckreation

I pull them 5 ATVs up the hill behind my big diesel just trying to relax on the weekend

We get tired of the same old places and go ahead pioneering different bandit trails

We stop for the snacks we brought along and just tuck the cans and wrappers behind a tree

Little Timmy loves to gun that 4 wheeler just like the little man I need him so much to be

We drag the jet skis 300 miles to the half-dried up reservoir way out in the empty desert

We got giant overstuffed coolers by the tables underneath a colorful plastic party gazebo

We roar around the lake making waves and yelling at each other at the tops of our voices

Drink a lot of beer and just piss and shit out in the water, whenever it strikes us

Tow my 40’ trailer out to Colorado ever august cause it’s too hot in our beloved Texas

We like to spend our days in the truck way up in the high country looking at the scenery

We run a generator for the microwave and blow dryer, the A/C and the DVD

This here is truly god’s country and we’re thinking of building us another second home

We drove 3000 miles to take pictures of ourselves taking pictures at the overlooks

Munched on overpriced, over-sweetened, over-salted, over-packaged treats along the way

Storing the digital memories of a lifetime standing beside lots of other real nice people

Staying safely in the same hotels all along the way and we keep our windows rolled up tight

Trailered up the snow machines and left stinking clouds of smoke pulling them up the pass

Pulled off all kinda like extreme moves as my savage 700 lb metal beastie roared

Tracked down and chased some elk and deer through the heavily drifted snow

Think I really felt I blew off some steam and, why, I didn’t bother nobuddy or hurt nothin

Got out on the water in my 20’ speedboat with those twin 250 horsepower Black Mercs

She’ll run 40 mph and has a 100 gallon gas tank that serves up the good times we love so much

We pull the kids around on water donuts and they lay there and laugh and scream

Why just alone the trailer for this baby is costin me like 13 grand…

Headed out west in our 65’ class C RV that we still owe a cool quarter of a mil on

It’s as big as a semi and protects our frail blue-haired bodies real well

Got a sporty paint job, a catchy name, a little hot tub and pulls our SUV right along behind

Gets 4 MPG and the mechanics charge $85/hr with a $100 minimum to change a bulb

Pulled on my $1500 leathers and strode out into the garage to mount my holy Harley

Had loud mufflers put on so I wear these earplugs but damn does it sound nice

I only ride it some weekends in the summer but it was just $30k from our home equity

Gonna take a freedom ride with the boys out west some day and reclaim my masculinity

Flew off to tony resorts fenced safely from the surrounding poor who despise us

Dropped into the 3^rd world searching for meaning and watched them grub their food

Feasted on dynamited fish and didn’t know or care where the water came from or the waste went

Assured ourselves that our vacationing presence brought a miracle of clean eco-tourism growth

But all these good times just blur together in the anticipation of our next wreckreational adventure

Mindless Consumer Magic

Anytime it gets kinda hot, I just twist a thermostat and some good old cool air begins to flow

The CO2 from that coal-fired power plant plays no role in our Traditional Family Values©

I slide my credit card at the pump and drive away alone in my 9 passenger vehicle

We’re conveniently supporting terrorists with every tankful so that we can fight them there

The rain splashes off all that nice smooth concrete into little rivulets as we drive

The oily residues which taint the feeder creeks are absolutely no concern of ours

Our shiny trash cans are overstuffed with recyclable materials that we call our garbage

Hey, let the wackos sort that shit out after we roll our kids futures to the curb

With a simple twist of my wrist, fresh clean hot and cold water flows from the tap

I don’t know where it comes from or care where the shit I put on my green lawn goes

It’s magic how the bulldozers turn non-productive wetlands into family neighborhoods

There’s no way these blessed suburbs represent brutally efficient habitat destruction

If I get hungry while I’m upon my busy way, I idle on in thru a fast food drive thru lane

Later on I do my part and stuff all of that packaging waste into some convenient dumpster

We proudly support our troops with plastic decals affixed to our imported cars

They’re made in fume-filled sweatshops overseas by ignorant peasant wage slaves

Our unearned home equity was an amazing source of funds for vacations and toys

Now our interest rate is too high, we owe more than it’s worth, so we deserve a bailout

My son was uniquely gifted and showed great potential at an extremely early age

The doctors have ascribed his lack of success and bad attitude to ADHD and poor schools

It’s magic how the stores brim with things I just saw on TV and simply have to have

Mom and Dad always buy for me so that I will remain their friend and still talk to them

Simply pushing buttons on the remote from the couch brings up 150 big screen channels

There’s not too much on that we really watch, but that monster sucks down the juice 24x7x365

I joyfully immerse myself in the spectacle of commercial sports at any opportunity

I love watching overpaid black criminals brutally bash each other, clad in shiny, tight spandex

I love the freedom of the open road and the wind in my hair on my Harley-Davidson

It sits for months depreciating in the way in the garage while I miss a few more payments

There’s nothing quite so relaxing as quietly sitting and fishing on a peaceful lake

We rip across the water on 200 dirty horsepower which exhausts straight down into the water

The freedom of the open road beckons us from the comfort of our mobile home

7 miles a gallon, tons of CO2 and a noisy generator so we can watch our DVDs in AC’d comfort

It’s magic how the meat we love appears wrapped in plastic so very clean and safe

We don’t see or want to know about the filthy feedlots and those bloody slaughterhouses

We see a future filled with more bright consumption and happy indulgence for the kids

It’s a wonderful and magic world made simply for our pleasure, convenience and comfort

By A Thread

Balanced on a tipping point thanks solely to our own good and focused efforts

Risking not only our foolish selves but the entire complex web of life on earth as well

So close now we must shout above the noise we make so we do not have to hear

Hanging on by someone else’s fingernail while we concern ourselves only with the view

Piddling with the fancy GPS instead of just looking up ahead through the windshield

Held up by an unraveling thread yet somehow still struggling wildly to be freed

Heated almost to the boiling point but unwilling to turn down the flame

Out of breath but still running while trying to bray silly orders and directions

Able to see the consequences clearly now but still unwilling to change the course

Just looking at the road ahead as the entire load commences to sway and tip

Depending that the river ice won’t break as we cross far too late in the springtime

Speeding through a stormy night overloaded with worn out tires on bad roads

Stumbling in the darkness but too much in a hurry to take the time to fix the light

Wading just at the edge of a steep, invisible drop-off without knowing how to swim

Needle pegged on empty but so far away from any town on a cloudy, moonless night

Talking on the cellphone and screaming at the kids as the latte spills and a truck pulls out

Much older now, for such a long time, than we ever imagined we could become

Safe and dry with a picnic lunch in our rowboat unaware of the waterfall up ahead

In a hurry, but blinded, on a foggy night with the street covered all in white

So near to losing all we’ve built but staying focused on living only for the moment

At the point where an unlikely salvation can only just arrive in the very nick of time

Unknowingly separated by merest hairsbreadth from total and eternal annihilation

Milliseconds from a stunning crash we did not see coming and will not live to remember

Catching the disappearing rays of the last gorgeous sunset on our final dream vacation

Caught in a still picture of that fantastic blur at the end of this, our futile race

Poised upon a great divide and now at the mercy of entropy as to which way we flow

Having risen to the edge of space there is this brief and subtle pause upon our zenith

Reaching too far over, from several rungs too high, with no one below to steady us

Betting everything on an untested long shot some salesman touted as the next sure thing

Just one more minor system insult from initiating a cascading set of networked failures

Going so fast that even if we make it we won’t really know until it’s way long over

Hanging by one silky thread but still living really large thanks to greed and denial

Blindly Destructive Hand Of The Free Marketplace

Coupled with an unwavering and blind faith in our choice from all of those One True Gods

The blind hand of the marketplace unerringly creates optimal economic solutions

Thus, toxic emissions from our vehicles should not be saddled with artificial taxes

But weapons producers can increase demand through promotion of phony bogeymen

Given our love of exotic hardwoods, loggers quite naturally clear cut and sell them all

Pure supply and demand is always superior to meddling government social interventions

Strictly for-profit healthcare will provide all the medical services the old, sick & poor really need

If it is cheaper to bulldoze cropland than to redevelop strip malls, that alone makes it proper

Exterminating predators in competition for our domestic cattle is natural to market economics

Quite naturally, social costs cannot be found on the ledgers of brave entrepreneurs

Nobody profits from forests quietly filtering drinking water, so their rate of return is zero

Producers need not pay for problems their contaminated dust brings to far off lands

Making coal clean is inefficient and costs the consumer more, so it is to be avoided

Air and water are free goods and pollution controls are simply taxes, not investments

Capitalists will always be rewarded for reducing prices through slashing labor costs

If the Chinese will pay $600/oz, starving tribesman will sell all the ivory they can gun down

Factory trawlers can rob an old african fishing village of its living in the name of globalism

Short-term crop increases justify the overuse of fossil water and costly, dangerous chemicals

It is merely simpleminded idealism to hope for economic self-interest to be tempered with altruism

Our financials contain no long-term debt reflecting unsustainable resource usage

I can use my 300 hp SUV solely as an air-conditioner because the gas is all I need to pay for

Why add costly insulation to my home when energy costs less the more that I use

Neither the producer nor the consumer has any economic incentive to recycle

Laissez-faire allows prices to rise until scarce goods are simply driven to extinction

A dirt-poor consumer lacks incentive to drive producers towards sustainable practices

Government income transfers are an unnatural artifact which corrupt a pure economy

Hiring illegal immigrants at a fraction of market rate is rational economic behavior

Using a cheap, unregulated foreign food ingredients yields a clever competitive advantage

Shifting production overseas saves costs and justifiably brings executives great rewards

A large, poor, uneducated, young workforce benefits producers of consumer goods

Realistically, pension plans make no business sense and are to be eliminated via bankruptcy

Citizens should pay their own way in free retirement and healthcare marketplaces

Tying electablility to fundraising neatly marries entrepreneurship with politics

Certainly, we can rely on supply and demand curves to intersect at sustainable catch levels

We reflect with pride on our pollution reduction, having exported all of our factories

A no-strings bailout of the Too-Big-To-Fail will produce a blossoming of industrial self-regulation

We will simply let the marketplace test the survivability of these so-called endangered species